To think... *sigh*

 i bet it happened to everyone, have a friend who we are really in love with and she/he doesn't see that, it happens to everyone, that's 2 options about that, we tell what we fell and he/she replies or she/he ends up denying and break our heart, the  second option is painful but itsa the most common unfortunately is the most casual.

It happened to me a lot of times now and I don't know what to do now, cause she ended falling in love with a friend of  mine, which I introduced myself and now i feel broken hearted, unable to go on... i don't know what to do, i got no words that can express that she could be the love of my life, my Juliet... I wish i could live a romance like we see on Romeo And Juliet, a forbidden one to which our life depended on it. That's real love being to scale mountains, cross seas for that person...

Song to make you thinking

Forgetting and forgiving...

Anyone have the feeling of loving someone and find out she doesn't and still feel the same? Even though you think that everything is not worth it, you still wanna try? Even thought she just a friend or like a sister to you? Its getting harder to get her off my head, I don't care what happens, my lessons of life i learned them through songs now i was listening here we go again from Demi Lovato and made me think... Damnit why? Why isn't everything simple? I'm sick of this i'm the one who suffers in the end and starting to make lyrics is a sign of that it´s good in a way but it means i'm suffering inside. I wanted everything to be simple she she will never ever forgive me for that no matter what i don't know what to do. I need to clear my head somehow i just don't know how i keep thinking about her and now even worse it's just getting harder than get it. All i wanted is everything to be easier. The worst is that I can't talk to her she always will get pissed for touching that but there's no other way i just gotta let the time wash it away

Songs to think

Today i'm gonna share two songs that I somehow didn't noticed before which is weird they're from two of my favorite singers/bands and they're both from Disney or were:

Underdog from Jonas Brothers - this song reminded me of someone i know and myself, i love the lyrics to the song. It's awesome and pls give me a break about being Jonas Brothers they deserve credit too on their songs. 

Me, Myself and Time- This song is so amazing that makes us think how is to try to achieve our dream which made me think so much. I'm gonna try somehow I am trying and this time i will not stop... 

"Whatever it takes to be

 what i was meant to be  

I'm gonna try"

Demi Lovato is my favorite singer, I knew of her work from her shows and movies on Disney mainly Camp Rock and Sonny with a Chance, she's still great and her voice is totally unique i love it :)

Twilight Breaking Dawn Part I

One day left for the premiere of Twilight: Breaking Damn Part I, too bad its divided in two parts and we might have wait another year to see the second part. I hate these new ways of cinema, the best part is always the most awaited. They did this with Harry Potter, which Part I was really boring compared to the awesomeness of Part II, then probably they're gonna do the same on Twilight Breaking Dawn. What can we expect the wedding and the honeymoon only??? I hope someone dies at least that it had fights like Eclipse had...  

Reflecting II

Some weeks ago i had i was chatting with a friend and said something that will look silly but its true at least to me:


[Zeo: its in these times that we find how ppl appreciate you
Bellz: x.x
: knowing u got somewhere waiting
[26/10/2011 00:45:38] Bellz: brb.....
[26/10/2011 00:45:40] Zeo: k
[26/10/2011 00:56:24] Bellz: like what
[26/10/2011 01:00:26] Zeo: like what?
[26/10/2011 01:00:41] Zeo: someone
[26/10/2011 01:00:44] Zeo: waiting
[26/10/2011 01:00:46] Zeo: for you
[26/10/2011 01:01:43] Zeo: this is gonna change my life
[26/10/2011 01:01:51] Zeo: ppl don't know
[26/10/2011 01:02:10] Zeo: but the animes r the best there is for a reason
[26/10/2011 01:02:34] Zeo: its always related with personal problems
[26/10/2011 01:02:44] Zeo: Naruto was never popular
[26/10/2011 01:03:06] Zeo: people mocked him cause he had the kyuubi inside him
[26/10/2011 01:03:29] Zeo: but still he wanted to be noticed
[26/10/2011 01:03:35] Zeo: so he did stupid things
[26/10/2011 01:03:41] Zeo: to impress ppl
[26/10/2011 01:03:49] Zeo: so he could be noticed
[26/10/2011 01:03:56] Zeo: Naruto is my life story
[26/10/2011 01:04:01] Zeo: i was the same
[26/10/2011 01:04:25] Zeo: u know what the sadness inside me made?
[26/10/2011 01:04:28] Zeo: anger
[26/10/2011 01:04:50] Zeo: just like naruto can't control himself when transformed i don't too
[26/10/2011 01:04:57] Zeo: i need ppl to calm me down
[26/10/2011 01:05:07] Zeo: otherwise i won't stop
[26/10/2011 01:05:27] Zeo: ppl r afraid of me ;(
[26/10/2011 01:05:58] Zeo: that's why i don't have real friends only ppl online
[26/10/2011 01:06:49] Zeo: i'm waiting for the time when i "save the village" so i can be acknowledge"

Song of Friendship

Some day ago a friend of mine which it's one of my "sisters" showed me this song:

Meant a lot to me cause its how she felt for me a true friend don't u think? I just love this song and got  addicted to it too, its amazing... I gotta admit Disney really rocks!

Change

Never change for anyone but yourself... it could work for that person but not with your friends. But who you always are don't worry about others think physically or not...

Day by day

It's been hard to be without you, even more now that u're so far away idk what to do i wish everyday i could be with you, supporting you and sharing your problems with me anyhow. I feel so bad here doing nothing about it, but i can't find strength to do it.... It's getting harder day by day i wish i could let go all of this but i can't ;( i just wish life was easier and that it hadn't so many obstacles on the way...

Halloween

Halloween also known as Samhain is the day where all monsters, witches and all supernatural creatures are honored in one night where in many countries is celebrated through parties and festivals, on USA is celebrated with the trick or treat where kids ask for candy or if that person doesn't reply they're allowed to make a prank the so called "trick". 

Many channels on this haunting day do special halloween episodes  

The Simpsons (8:00-8:30 p.m. ET/PT) in– “Treehouse of Horror XXII”

FAMILY GUY – (9:00-9:30 PM ET/PT) – “Screams of Silence: The Story of Brenda Q”

The Adventures of Tintin

The adventures of Tintin, one of the movies inspired in a famous cartoon of my childhood finally premiered in Portugal and it was a great hit i gotta see it in 3D must be awesome :D

Although i'm used to see it in french, I loved the original series and Tintin's voice

New blog visual

I decided to try something new on the blog so i tried a personalized header what u think? It combines 2 of my favorite animes: Naruto and Bleach and my philosophy of Life: Taoism

Battlefield 3 Launch Trailer

My book

I finally continued the book that i started when i was on HON, and i found a place according to a friend that is very good, so i decided to give it a try idk if it will work i wanted to publish but there's 2 problems: how do i do
it ? and can i do it?

http://www.wattpad.com/2436656-diaries-of-jake-fox

Many things happened this week that i wasn't expect and it changed my life in a way but gave me hope to keep going... Now i don't know where this is going but it might work somehow but it sounds desperate but it keeps me going... I'm just confused and i believe no one can help me. I'm too afraid to try maybe that's it and if it goes wrong it won't work... I gotta find a way somehow i just don't know what...

I wish you were here

Many songs have a personal  meaning and this one for me meant that when we think we found the person we love,  we discover the person who we wanna be with its not the one we love now but the one we loved before 

I miss you... and i wish you were here <3 

Love

i never expect for to you to break my heart
i never thought you would tear me apart
i hope our love would last longer than his
but i was wrong so wrong to make you part of this

a new love will be born from ashes
a new heart will fly through you
something so beautiful as your eyelashes
were i will say i love you too

hopping that will live longer
hopping that will stay stronger
cause this love won't be broke
cause love is not a joke

In the end it doesn't even matter...

Everyday we find a new challenge, to survive to that is the issue that we must deal with, but no matter who or what stands in our way we just keep going. Courage is something that makes us move to feel superior to not be afraid of facing others. I know whats that like to complete a challenge and expect to be rewarded for that, instead what i get? nothing! All I get is more work, I'm tired of school I got one week left to finish school. Many years ago I expect to end the year with more friends, someone who loved me and cared, friends to spend the time. But no i got nothing I don't like to do things alone, I want friends, friends who are with me and care. About a month ago I joined a group which was making a project about a book a been reading, well a saga of books, a got a character inside and in less then a week everyone there liked me. I got a family in there I might no find a girlfriend in there but I have my sister with me the seven lucky girls who liked me for who i am and nothing more. Something i really don't regret...

Reflecting on life

Reflecting... reflecting...reflecting. My life been spinning around that is driving me crazy, many thoughts about the future what I'm gonna do now that school is over. Many things happened this year and it's only in the middle i don't know if i can take what's going to happen next. Every day something happens but it's always something bad that make me give up on living, now I decided to find someone, it's been hard so far cause i haven't got any results. First a girl i met from USA that I somehow fell in love, second a girl from Europe that wasn't looking for a relation but only a friendship, lastly a girl from another country living in Portugal that made me hope so much this was it, that all i think now is what to do about her. Still I don't know what to do now and also if I can still keep going, what can i do now? I can't lose hope otherwise I will not have a will to live but something I learned so far is that only the people who fight for it will furfill that dream. Will this happen to me as well? Many relation started in friendship, I never had someone with me i feel alone in this world, I got friends at least who will make me go on and that's what matters... I gotta think about many things before going on. Meditating helps a lot when we got problems on our mind, helps clearing, i follow the buddhist way and meditating is a way to clear your mind, reflecting on life...

Is it fate?

Many times i been wondering what have i done to deserve the life i have now. No friends i can trust, no one that can respect, no one who cares, all i got left are friends from the games i'm in and still many of them i might never meet. Is it much to ask for someone to care for me, to expect the person i am now and accept it? Is too much too ask to fall in love with a girl that doesn't end up in "let's just be friends" i'm fucking sick of that. I give much to them but in return what i got? Nothing... absolutely nothing that's the way i live today and sometimes i think about ending it for no need to suffer anymore. People keep saying that's not the way to think but what can i do? Its not who has to change its the way the others accept me, don't judge a book by only the cover wait to see what's inside and not outside. I'm sick of this i just wanna move somewhere i can restart my life and fulfill my dreams. But alone i can't make it that's for sure. I need someone but who is that? Who's the person that will come with me that will finally get a smile on my face everyday the way i was as a kid not now... Is it too much that i'm asking for?

Everything is not what it seems...

Not all days go as we expected. And i kinda hate it when we plan something so far ahead that we find out cause of someone has a problem all my plans r cancelled which is something that pisses me off. Even if its my father i still don't understand why my mom don't trust me to go alone to a place to meet a girl. Ok ok many things could happen like ppl see on the tv and news that the person who we know online cannot be the same we're going to meet. Some months ago i met a girl on an online game who got friends with her and idk why i started to fall in love for her, i think she did too but was unsure cause we never met in real and she wanted to know how i was first. I decided to go to her country to meet her on my holidays after i finish school that i would meet her but everyone told me it was a bad idea and i wasn't ready, after many weeks i been thinking about and she told me she like me as friend and we'll never be more than that so that didn't break my heart but i rethought and i think will be hard for me to go there and besides i sacrifice so much for her. Idk what to do now i met someone during that time but our relation is more brother and sister than anything else but i think i feel something for her, idk i might be wrong all i need now is to meet her and find out we never know what happens. Like we say everything is not what it seems even if its from someone u meet on the net...

The future?

       Well last day of classes finally arrived, finally i'll finish my high school. All the years i've been expecting for this day... But i hoped something different, i hoped to finish school with an objective, with a girlfriend and other things.
Many years ago i made a promise to myself that I'd leave the country when i finish school, the destinations were many USA, UK, Japan and more recently Austria. Well one thing is certain USA i can't cause its rather different than i expect to be, i got many American friends and the American Dream is not that great, and with the frontiers closed to foreigners to live in there i better just forget.
      UK seems a great place to go, still in Europe and many things come from there i think i'll get used to it, maybe i better visit it first.
Japan has been suffering a lot of natural catastrophes and that's making the country going through a hard crisis from economy to commerce, still I'd love to spend like 2 months on there to see the castle and all the Japan history monuments from Kyoto to Tokyo.
Lastly Austria is know as the country of arts which can be a great place to live, expensive but still i'd like to try, but i have to rethink, although would be a great place to improve my singing and learning more about music.
     Still i'm not a person that travels alone so i never went farther than Portugal (my country) i wish i would but need many things to do for now.
So let's see what the future reveals...

It’s just a game… but with real life people...

 Many things could have happened during that time , and me being a guy that likes to try things that are unusual and don’t back down to almost nothing (unless it’s really impossible, still I try it). One day some unknown reason (it’s been a while I don’t know either or don’t remember XD) stops coming to the game, I start to miss her cause we got to be great friends she gave her facebook info and she adds me, and during that time I tell her the truth and she (without backing down) I tell her that I had a thing for her since I met her (idk if it was love or other thing different). Still she start to tell me who she is and I she tells she’s been busy cause she’d been on tour and didn’t had time to come online to the game. Wait she’s a singer???? And famous too??? That gone on for weeks, she was really pretty almost like a dream (which I still don’t know if she is) and yes the thing turn in some kind of passion still I was really unsure if she was real cause I found out the pictures she was posting were fake.   

When I finally got to talk with her after going for some weeks away, she says that she was sorry and that was her brother who made a fake profile. Well after all, something wasn’t fishy about all this, after all I was right. Still when I met the real Yoru I told her how I feel which she told me she felt the same way!!!!  I had to think for many days and asking my friends what to do cause she could be lying all this time or it could be true I can say that we did that online tough for like what? 3 days? One day she was totally fine and said sweet things the other she goes we should end this I wanna be alone blah blah… Guys and girls who are reading this make sure you find out if the person u fall in love in the web is really who he/she says we never know.

  

A change in my life

My life has been complicated since ever, after the great problem I been with an old schoolmate which got me expelled from my high school, I really stopped thinking of trying to find a suitable girl for me. 

 That’s where the online games started, looking for friends at first, what only got me more girls as friends. I got to start a game called PWI in where I met a lot of new friends, some good, some bad, but there’s 2 groups I won’t forget. Anyway after that I met many other persons like Chai (who was in fact a guy playing a female char like me from Sweden who got to be a great friend too), Viki (who started as a friend but thinking I was a girl started to hit on me and I thought she was kidding, in fact she wasn’t, anyway I’ll skip this part for later.) finally but not least Yoruichi_Chan (yeah this girl will be important u'll know soon)  (yeah my guild was called Bleach), of all of them. I never had many friends but who would guess that I could get friends so easily in a game? I can say that since I met them my life changed totally…